Just been thinking a lot lately about my life goals. Now that I’m done with school and starting that working life, it’s a different feeling and a different mindset. There’s no set schedule of going to school Mon-Fri with tests to study for and homework to do. Back in college, I felt more alive than I ever did coming back home. I have this sense that I should move out but how could I when I’m in so much debt. I could save this money I’m making from work and move out when I’m ready. I’m paying off my loans at a vastly fast pace and also saving up for a house.
Back in school, it was simple. You move on to the next year until you get that degree. But what happens after is real life. There’s no one telling you what your goals are. There’s no more sense of direction on what you should do with your career, your life, etc. I don’t have a set schedule and so I can’t set up a routine. I’m left with my own physical mindset and school did not prepare me for what’s after. In terms of my job, that is fine. But in terms of being real with the world, it’s scary as heck.
In general, I’m in a slump. I feel physically weak and stagnant in life. I’m also mentally and emotionally weak. All this social media makes me want to just click the next thing and fast forward to the end. Imagine trying to do cardio for 10 mins! Sometimes I barely even make it not because I physically can’t, but because I mentally can’t do it anymore. I want to do other things. Nowadays, I don’t even want to be in the gym. Idk if it’s because I don’t know anybody and working out just sucks or if it’s because I’m mentally weak and all I want to do is go home and play games or sleep or rest.
This is where life has gotten me. I need to take a step back and re-evaluate what’s important to me. I was just listening to a TedTalk on the 7 deadly sins and I believe it is a very important concept which I had forgotten about.
Lust. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride.
No one is perfect but I believe everyone can strive to be. Lately the two common crimes are Sloth and Gluttony. Gluttony because I indulge and overeat in excess. This is my reason for feeling guilty about not going to the gym more and depressed over my mood. Normally I am very fit and have had zero feelings about how fat I am. But man, I feel like stabbing myself in the gut. Sloth is the feeling of laziness and leaving your responsibilities. Maybe you do them but you’re indifferent and you mentally dissociate yourself with the tasks. I feel like I have a weak mentality. All I want to do is rest or find rest with my mind whether it be sleeping, playing games, or even being with my significant other. We should be pushing each other, not becoming idle and stagnant.
I’ve got a long ways to go and my mentality needs to make a change or I’ll forever remain the same.