Just been thinking a lot lately about my life goals. Now that I’m done with school and starting that working life, it’s a different feeling and a different mindset. There’s no set schedule of going to school Mon-Fri with tests to study for and homework to do. Back in college, I felt more alive than I ever did coming back home. I have this sense that I should move out but how could I when I’m in so much debt. I could save this money I’m making from work and move out when I’m ready. I’m paying off my loans at a vastly fast pace and also saving up for a house.
Back in school, it was simple. You move on to the next year until you get that degree. But what happens after is real life. There’s no one telling you what your goals are. There’s no more sense of direction on what you should do with your career, your life, etc. I don’t have a set schedule and so I can’t set up a routine. I’m left with my own physical mindset and school did not prepare me for what’s after. In terms of my job, that is fine. But in terms of being real with the world, it’s scary as heck.
In general, I’m in a slump. I feel physically weak and stagnant in life. I’m also mentally and emotionally weak. All this social media makes me want to just click the next thing and fast forward to the end. Imagine trying to do cardio for 10 mins! Sometimes I barely even make it not because I physically can’t, but because I mentally can’t do it anymore. I want to do other things. Nowadays, I don’t even want to be in the gym. Idk if it’s because I don’t know anybody and working out just sucks or if it’s because I’m mentally weak and all I want to do is go home and play games or sleep or rest.
This is where life has gotten me. I need to take a step back and re-evaluate what’s important to me. I was just listening to a TedTalk on the 7 deadly sins and I believe it is a very important concept which I had forgotten about.
Lust. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride.
No one is perfect but I believe everyone can strive to be. Lately the two common crimes are Sloth and Gluttony. Gluttony because I indulge and overeat in excess. This is my reason for feeling guilty about not going to the gym more and depressed over my mood. Normally I am very fit and have had zero feelings about how fat I am. But man, I feel like stabbing myself in the gut. Sloth is the feeling of laziness and leaving your responsibilities. Maybe you do them but you’re indifferent and you mentally dissociate yourself with the tasks. I feel like I have a weak mentality. All I want to do is rest or find rest with my mind whether it be sleeping, playing games, or even being with my significant other. We should be pushing each other, not becoming idle and stagnant.
I’ve got a long ways to go and my mentality needs to make a change or I’ll forever remain the same.
Another year gone by and this time it’s gone faster than ever! I’m currently on a 10 day vacation just being at home. I didn’t plan to go anywhere because I’m not the type of person to travel alone or plan things well. I’m a very calculated person and would want to know everything before going and also a companion for someone to consult or bounce ideas off of. So this year I was working the night before my birthday and went to the gym after work and stayed there past midnight. So I was essentially hanging out at the bar(bells) and having a drink (protein shake) on my birthday lol. The day of my birthday I played some games and went to a buffet with my family. The day after I spent time with the gf and we exchanged gifts. She got me some sweet looking Ray Ban’s (pictured above), I love them!
During the gym session, I was doing some deadlifts and next morning my back was dead. Felt like a strain or something and I’ve been trying to stretch and shake it off for the last 4 days but it’s still been killing me. Ever since, I’ve been taking it easy. I think that’s the last time I’m going to deadlift anything remotely heavy. It may have seemed my strength is past its peak and I feel washed up in terms of my fitness goals. I’m nowhere near what I was back then at my golden age of 24. But I don’t believe it will end. Fitness is a long term journey and there will be ups and downs and I’m going to fall off the wagon many times, but I will always keep getting back up. My body is getting older and feels rusty, but I need to train smarter, not only inside the gym but outside. I’ve been trying to outwork my bad diet but I’ve learned that it can’t be done.
Part of me is excited about the challenge and another part of me feels like it’s impossible. Living at home makes things 10x harder since this household is not setup for fitness. My mom just bought 2 boxes of Waffle Syrup Oreos and 2 boxes of Double Stuffed Oreos. :O On top of the endless junk in the house too. I tried cooking eggs this morning only to find out there’s only 1 egg left in the carton. My mom comes home later and says the rest are in the fridge in the garage, not the closer one that I checked, but the farthest one.
Last night I quit League of Legends because I’ve been on an extremely bad losing spree. I have a 15% win rate for the past 4-5 months in my games and I felt like I just had enough of it last night. So I uninstalled the game. Maybe I’ll reinstall and get back into it cuz today I felt like there’s nothing to do and I spent my whole day looking for other games to play but all I want to play is League. Ugh, the addiction is real.
My vacation is halfway done and I was going to use this time to train hard but with my back out of commission I’m just coasting through this vacation just chilling and going on hikes with the gf. I felt like I was going to do a lot in 2017 but maybe 2018 will be it. T___T At least work is alright (crappy schedule but money is money) and I’ve got more than 1/3 of my loans paid off in less than a year! Living at home has its perks 🙂
PLACES TO GO, THINGS TO SEE! Here’s to another year of fun-filled adventures with this lovely girl.