Banquet and Goodbyes
Last week was really hectic. I had 2 banquets and a BBQ to go to.
The first was the pharmacy banquet. I’ve been struggling a lot this past year in school and I went into major depression mode. By spring term, I got myself together and really grew with my faith in God. I have these highs and lows in my faith but each high gets me closer in my walk with God. No matter where I am in life, if I put my faith and trust in God, I know that I am headed in the right direction. This past year was a lot of struggle about interpersonal relationships. I can’t seem to connect with my friends and I have trouble making new friends. Partly, I have this internal struggle about sharing things and just getting the words out of my mouth. I know that I shouldn’t live my life in fear of other people’s opinions, but it’s a different story when you try to live your life out that way. I look at people in the eye and my mind blanks and I have no words to say. So at the pharmacy banquet, I felt really disconnected with my friends, classmates, and other pharmacy students. I came out of there feeling so ashamed and lonely.
The Epic banquet the next day was the best. This banquet was for all the seniors graduating and one of them being the girl I’ve had a crush on for years now that I was involved with. Earlier that day, I signed all of the cards and for hers, I wrote a lot of what I wanted to tell her. BUT the night before, I spoke with the person that was gonna speak about her highlights and mentioned a few points that I would like to be mentioned. Nobody took the role of speaking on her behalf and I said I would do it but I have heard that she doesn’t like me due to our past. No matter, I am still looking after her and helping her the best I can up to this point. She’s graduating and will be moving to the east coast. I still remember the day I first met her 2.5 years ago and I was head over heels the moment she introduced herself to me. My first words were, “Nice bow” referring to a cute white bow on her hair. I always thought she was gonna be someone important and would stay in my life. Turns out that’s only half true. The banquet was great and it was a place where I felt like I belong even though I’m older than most of them.
Although I’m not graduating, I am done with my adventures here at OSU. I was not one of the people up there, but I had my banquet 2 years ago when I finished my undergrad. Plus, I’m not sure anyone would be comfortable enough to speak about me. I’ve been at this school for 6 years and I’m incredibly grateful for all the people I’ve met and the memories I’ve made here. I’ve seen my friends graduate and I’ve met people whom were freshman and are now graduating. I wish I got more time to write good bye cards but my lack of creativity and spontaneity is getting the better of me. I’ve told some people that this is my last term here and apparently a lot of them did not know that because I wasn’t up there and they think everyone else will be back the next year. I guess I should see it that it isn’t about me. Yes, I am leaving and I may never see these people again. And if I do, I don’t know if it’s someone I’ll say hi to, or if it’s just one of those friends that you see on the college campus. For the past 2 weeks now, I’ve been hinting at people that I am leaving and have been saying my goodbyes..
So I guess my Corvallis adventures are coming to an end. There are too many memories but my favorite would have to be one of the finals week for Physiology with my best friend. It was like 2am and I got her to read this long joke that took her 30 mins to read and at the end was a pun to the story. She got to the end and she looked at me and just gave me the “WOW REALLY” look and I just busted out laughing really hard at the library. We really should have been studying and we still joke and laugh about it to this day.
With that being said, I hope I can move on in life to better things. Corvallis has always been my home and I loved being here these past 6 years, increasingly so each year. I’m going to miss the people and the community the most. I’m bittersweet about leaving, but I know God has bigger and better things awaiting for me out there.