Life Goals

Just been thinking a lot lately about my life goals. Now that I’m done with school and starting that working life, it’s a different feeling and a different mindset. There’s no set schedule of going to school Mon-Fri with tests to study for and homework to do. Back in college, I felt more alive than I ever did coming back home. I have this sense that I should move out but how could I when I’m in so much debt. I could save this money I’m making from work and move out when I’m ready. I’m paying off my loans at a vastly fast pace and also saving up for a house.

Back in school, it was simple. You move on to the next year until you get that degree. But what happens after is real life. There’s no one telling you what your goals are. There’s no more sense of direction on what you should do with your career, your life, etc. I don’t have a set schedule and so I can’t set up a routine. I’m left with my own physical mindset and school did not prepare me for what’s after. In terms of my job, that is fine. But in terms of being real with the world, it’s scary as heck.

In general, I’m in a slump. I feel physically weak and stagnant in life. I’m also mentally and emotionally weak. All this social media makes me want to just click the next thing and fast forward to the end. Imagine trying to do cardio for 10 mins! Sometimes I barely even make it not because I physically can’t, but because I mentally can’t do it anymore. I want to do other things. Nowadays, I don’t even want to be in the gym. Idk if it’s because I don’t know anybody and working out just sucks or if it’s because I’m mentally weak and all I want to do is go home and play games or sleep or rest.

This is where life has gotten me. I need to take a step back and re-evaluate what’s important to me. I was just listening to a TedTalk on the 7 deadly sins and I believe it is a very important concept which I had forgotten about.

Lust. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride.

No one is perfect but I believe everyone can strive to be. Lately the two common crimes are Sloth and Gluttony. Gluttony because I indulge and overeat in excess. This is my reason for feeling guilty about not going to the gym more and depressed over my mood. Normally I am very fit and have had zero feelings about how fat I am. But man, I feel like stabbing myself in the gut. Sloth is the feeling of laziness and leaving your responsibilities. Maybe you do them but you’re indifferent and you mentally dissociate yourself with the tasks. I feel like I have a weak mentality. All I want to do is rest or find rest with my mind whether it be sleeping, playing games, or even being with my significant other. We should be pushing each other, not becoming idle and stagnant.

I’ve got a long ways to go and my mentality needs to make a change or I’ll forever remain the same.

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Birthday!

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Another year gone by and this time it’s gone faster than ever! I’m currently on a 10 day vacation just being at home. I didn’t plan to go anywhere because I’m not the type of person to travel alone or plan things well. I’m a very calculated person and would want to know everything before going and also a companion for someone to consult or bounce ideas off of. So this year I was working the night before my birthday and went to the gym after work and stayed there past midnight. So I was essentially hanging out at the bar(bells) and having a drink (protein shake) on my birthday lol. The day of my birthday I played some games and went to a buffet with my family. The day after I spent time with the gf and we exchanged gifts. She got me some sweet looking Ray Ban’s (pictured above), I love them!

During the gym session, I was doing some deadlifts and next morning my back was dead. Felt like a strain or something and I’ve been trying to stretch and shake it off for the last 4 days but it’s still been killing me. Ever since, I’ve been taking it easy. I think that’s the last time I’m going to deadlift anything remotely heavy. It may have seemed my strength is past its peak and I feel washed up in terms of my fitness goals. I’m nowhere near what I was back then at my golden age of 24. But I don’t believe it will end. Fitness is a long term journey and there will be ups and downs and I’m going to fall off the wagon many times, but I will always keep getting back up. My body is getting older and feels rusty, but I need to train smarter, not only inside the gym but outside. I’ve been trying to outwork my bad diet but I’ve learned that it can’t be done.

Part of me is excited about the challenge and another part of me feels like it’s impossible. Living at home makes things 10x harder since this household is not setup for fitness. My mom just bought 2 boxes of Waffle Syrup Oreos and 2 boxes of Double Stuffed Oreos. :O On top of the endless junk in the house too. I tried cooking eggs this morning only to find out there’s only 1 egg left in the carton. My mom comes home later and says the rest are in the fridge in the garage, not the closer one that I checked, but the farthest one.

Last night I quit League of Legends because I’ve been on an extremely bad losing spree. I have a 15% win rate for the past 4-5 months in my games and I felt like I just had enough of it last night. So I uninstalled the game. Maybe I’ll reinstall and get back into it cuz today I felt like there’s nothing to do and I spent my whole day looking for other games to play but all I want to play is League. Ugh, the addiction is real.

My vacation is halfway done and I was going to use this time to train hard but with my back out of commission I’m just coasting through this vacation just chilling and going on hikes with the gf. I felt like I was going to do a lot in 2017 but maybe 2018 will be it. T___T At least work is alright (crappy schedule but money is money) and I’ve got more than 1/3 of my loans paid off in less than a year! Living at home has its perks 🙂

PLACES TO GO, THINGS TO SEE! Here’s to another year of fun-filled adventures with this lovely girl.

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Road Trip

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We decided to hit the road and see what adventure awaits. This was just a day trip. We went to Seattle, WA. I’ve gone through many things with this girl and yet here we are still together. Every day with her is an adventure. She loves to be out there and travel often.

Our first stop was to Jollibee in Tukwila, WA. Jollibee is a Filipino fast food restaurant. We had fried chicken, spaghetti with cheese, fiesta noodles, and her favorite peanut sauce with some pork meat. And of course her favorite peach mango pie, which I ate mine at the start and she saved hers for later. And then I ate hers when I got home XD. That’s how I know she loves me. Afterwards we bought some baked goods around the mall from Red Ribbon Bakery and another pastry place and picked up some sponge cake and ube pastries (purple yam). Our next stop was Dr Jose Rizal Park as shown above.

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Then we went to the famous places like Pike Market Place and Gum Wall. Upon walking up to this, she pulls out a piece of gum from her pocket and I was thinking “Where did that come from??” Looks like she was well-prepared. After chewing for less than a minute, she placed her mark on the wall.

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Oh man, silly me. I am never looking at the camera. The reason why I never look at the camera is because my eyes are always on her. *D’awwwww*

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Next on the list is the first Starbucks Coffee place. That is me trying to make the number 1 and also pointing at the Starbucks window but now I look like I messed up the picture. Having a normal photo of me is rare.

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We concluded our food trip with dinner at Din Tai Fung in Seattle. Luckily we didn’t have to wait in line because it was just us two and there were tables available for us. My suggestions came from the Fung Bros Youtube review on DTF (Din Tai Fung, not the other dtf). Since it was just the two of us, we only chose 3 options – Xiao Long Bao, Shanghai Shu Mai, Spicy Wontons, and they were bomb AF (as flavorful). Those XLB’s were so good and we had such a fun time eating them. She knows how to savor food as well as I do. We saved the 2 best XLB’s for last. MMMMMM!

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And our last stop was back in Tukwila to buy some 85°C bakery. We didn’t know what the fuss was about or why it was good. We walked in and there were massive amounts of people in line and grabbing bakery items. There were no labels as to what the product was or how much it costs but I started picking out a few and by the end I wanted more of everything. After we paid, we had one later and it was the most delicious piece of bakery I’ve had! Look at that amazingness! Oh and the baked goods too. XD

I have to say a big thanks to T for driving. I had a closing shift the night before and was severely wrecked. I’m so sad that our schedules are not aligning. She tried to talk to management but it’s what she signed up for. Mine seems to be random but for some reason, the last month we’ve just been having completely opposite days off. It just so happens for the next 3 weeks I am working on all of her days off and she is working on all the days I’m off. That’s some really crummy scheduling. Last month we had a Eugene trip that I planned out. Maybe it won’t be until next month for our next adventure. I can’t wait. I’m going to turn into one of those people that has to do a countdown until the next time I get to see her even though we’re only like 40 mins away.

I love you and hope we have many more adventures together, near and far! ♥

Reaping what I sowed

It feels like nothing has happened in the last couple months but a lot has happened. I passed my exams and became fully licensed. I got my first paycheck last week and let’s just say I pay a lot of taxes. After 8 years of school, I’m finally doing what I planned on doing. With the first paycheck, I spent $100 buying protein and protein bars HAHA. So typical. I’ll most likely be spending it on buying some snowboarding gear though. I bought a few passes for this coming season. I tried it once last year and it was fun so I’ll be trying it some more this year.

Thanksgiving was as usual with the family and relatives. It was nice hanging with them again. I feel we’re all getting older and unable to see each other often anymore. We’re all growing up and have to work and tend to our other things.

I’m no longer in school, no longer a student anymore. It feels pretty great actually not having to study anymore. However, I know that there is still much to learn! I’ve been trying to read more and knowing me, I am not a reader. My girlfriend has bought these books that have been recommended to her by a mentor and I’ve been reading them. Some have been insightful and some are eh. But I definitely need to read more and keep my mind active. I’ve been playing so much games but I feel that is a waste of time and I could be doing something much more productive with my time.

With the transition of being student to adulting, I find the hardest part is setting goals. It was so easy when there were due dates and exams at set intervals. But when you transition to being an adult, at least for me, I don’t have any due dates. I feel it is more important to be able to set goals for myself and not only set these goals but create a blueprint to follow to achieve those goals.

Finally reaping the benefits of all my hard work but now I’m seeking new goals to pursue in life. I actually would like to travel since I didn’t get to do much in my life. But as a floater, the schedule comes out later and I live my life 2 weeks at a time so I’m unable to plan anything big. I’ll think of some good goals by the end of this year. Hoping to make some big New Years Resolutions this year. Less than 4 weeks left of the year, going to finish it off strong. 2016 was just warm up, and maybe 2017 is too T__T. WAIT NO, 2017 is the real deal! HAHA LEGGOOOO!

PASSED NAPLEX

My oh my, where has the time gone? Life has gotten way too busy. I busted my butt during Block 8 and worked so much over time, keeping in mind that I don’t get paid because it’s part of school. In the end, they absolutely loved me and I did my darn best to put in more hard work than any other intern before or will after me. And all I got was a “best of luck” speech in the end. Normally interns aren’t supposed to work over, they’re already working 40 hours a week unpaid but I was working closer to 50 hours a week unpaid and it didn’t seem fair to me. I guess it’s because I’m seeing all my classmates get recognized with treats and gifts for their hard work and I felt so used and tossed aside. I also worked out 5x per week and racked up 10,000 steps at work. Try doing that after leg days. Feelsbadman.

Anyways, graduation went well. Here’s me with the miss. 🙂
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Hired on with a retail chain company. Finished training, it was so hectic. I took my NAPLEX, which is the pharmacy licensure exam and I passed with a score of 118! Passing is 75. I walked out of there feeling like I completely failed it. The test gets harder as you get more questions correct. I definitely needed to slow down because I had 45 mins remaining at the end (only goes 1 question at a time). I also had to pee because I drank coffee before and the scheduled break is 2 hours into the test (halfway). I guess I was worried because I’ve been hearing people that have failed from my school as well as from other schools. I also didn’t study as much as I would have liked and there were still some topics I was so fuzzy about. But woot, I passed!

Next up is studying for pharmacy law exam. I’ve also heard that some of the smart people from my class have failed this one and from all the past students that this one is more difficult than the NAPLEX. WELP, I’ll just give it my best shot. XD

Working out has been like non-existent. But now with the boards being done, just gotta allocate my time appropriately with pharmacy law and get that out of the way. I know people out there are making it with both work and working out in addition to living their lives. WE’RE ALL GONNA MAKE IT! Keep up the grind and the hustle and put in that work!

In other news, I am calling the girl above as my girlfriend. Her parents think we’re just friends that like each other and are going on dates and pursuing each other but not official. Which isn’t far from the truth but we’ve had the talk about being exclusive and both wanting something more serious haha.

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ISN’T SHE CUTE???? HAHA

I wish I blogged more but things get so busy. I love being able to freely write things on my mind. I feel it helps me improve my communication skills and articulate my thoughts and put those thoughts into words. Well, with school being completely over, real life is about to begin for the first time. I’m not exactly thrilled but I am excited to see what I can do and see what the next adventure is waiting for me out there.

Block 7 DONE!

YAY! ONE MORE BLOCK TO GO!

The good news is that all of my hospital rotations have been done and I’m SO glad to finally be able to leave that place. Let’s just say I have developed way more problems in my life than I ever have at any other point in my life. I would say this is the lowest I have ever been in my entire life, worse than the teenage emo/depression I had back then. In every aspect of my life, I was broken… Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Now it’s over. However, it’s not like I become un-depressed in a weekend. It’s going to take weeks or months to get my head straight again. As for the physical part, I’m in the worst shape of my life. This will take years.

My school messed up my rotations again. It seems to only happen to me because nobody else has any problems with their rotations and they all seemed to enjoy it and I’m over here going through hell for the last 6 months. So I signed up for a site near me for my last block and I am registered for this site as it says so on my registration account. However, the school coordinator put in all the paperwork for the site across the city. Turns out the preceptor moved to that site (same company still) and I’m just confused why I have to move with him. I only intended to commute the short distance but now it’s across town and driving through morning rush hour (8am) and after-work rush hour (6pm) through the I-5 bridges to get back home.

The school coordinators (both of them) told me they can’t do anything for me. Well, ONE of them emailed me back, and the other guy ignored my message.

I feel like this is unacceptable on the school’s part. Like I chose that specific site for its location and they change that on me!… I will give it a try tomorrow and see how my first day goes. But I already have a biased opinion that I will not like it due to the distance. I know I am still a student and should probably suck it up, but holy hell I am getting screwed over. And maybe I am just super fed up with how I’m being treated and they’ve pushed me way too far. And I feel like the school is just sweeping it under the rug. They’re just like “oops, idk, just deal with it”

Block 7!

HANGING IN THERE! I’m starting block 7 of 8! 12 more weeks until graduation!

So my last block was general pediatrics. I got my butt handed to me and I am so burned out. So many new disease states and different levels of management for these little kiddos. I had babies from 10 days old to older patients of 21 years old that didn’t move to the adult ward. I learned a lot throughout this rotation on diseases more specific for pediatrics. I’ve been going in to work 30 mins early and leaving late just to get through all my patients in the morning for rounds with the team. The commute is probably what drives me nuts. I leave my house at 6:20AM to catch a 6:37 bus, to get to work at 7:15, and supposed to start at 8AM, but I start working at 7:30. And it’s an hour to get home as well. So while at work, I’m chugging coffee like there’s no tomorrow. I rarely have time for lunch and skip it on most days. I come home exhausted and have to study and work on projects and presentations. I’ve been sleeping 4-6 hours per night for weeks or a month now. Then rinse and repeat for 6 weeks.

So for this next one, I’m doing the exact same thing but I’m at both the pediatrics ICU rotation and the neonatal ICU rotation. My classmate was just in it and she looked absolutely miserable. I anticipate feeling the same way but I asked her for some tips so I am 10% ahead of the curve lol.

All in all, I’m going through these rotations and this is my 4th inpatient rotation in a row now. I feel extremely miserable and hating my life. Part of it is the commute. At least 2 hours of my day is wasted getting from one place to the next when I could sleep more or get more stuff done. I’ve also just stopped going to the gym and taking these last few months off. I’m fat as duck and hating myself for it. I’ve been having these long tension type headaches that won’t go away, I’ve been feeling like an insomniac, I’m developing more problems in my life without exercise. I feel more lethargic, my bowels haven’t been regular, my eyes are going blurry, I have canker sores all over, and my teeth are staining from coffee.

Legit working my butt off for months of overtime without a break. And here I am about to go into a difficult ICU rotation… I’m so burned out. But 6 more weeks and a big bye bye to the inpatient setting. CIAO! One of my professors said, “you don’t have to be crazy to work in a hospital, but it certainly helps.” And if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Let’s get crazy and finish strong! Then I’ll go back to the gym and get the therapy I so need.